Yes.

I used to think being in love with God and doing his stuff is like taking a walk in the park. What I did not know was that the park was filled with thorns, pot holes, mountains, fiery rings to jump through. Things really are different when you decided to drop everything and go serious on God. I still remember when I took things half heartedly, where I serve two masters: One in heaven and one called ‘the flesh’. The result was not satisfying. There were actually no results.

As I grew older and learn to depend on Him, my eyes began to see things more clearly. There was one particular lesson that I learnt the hard way:
Without him, I am nothing.
And it’s true. I’m powerless and nothing can be done without His help. Whenever I sway away, things couldn’t be done. At least it doesn’t yield tip top results. I am still learning, learning to depend entirely on His biceps than to use my weak and puny ones.

I used to go to God with my hands full of problems and rants and needs and wants and complains and… But with hands filled, I wasn’t able to receive. I didn’t even give. So, I tried a different approach, I went empty handed.

That night I’ve made my decision. I said,
“Hey, I know I’ve been giving you my heart but snatching it back again many many times. Tonight I know You know I’m serious. I have still many sharp edges that need smoothening but I am willing. A instrument. A vessel. Whatever, just use me.

“You sure?”

“…Yes.”

“Here comes the tests and trials.”

Don’t get me wrong. It is not all pain and suffering. There are sweet times too. He in His own special ways still show that He cares. Like some old saying that says, ‘Through thick and thin, I will stay with you ah!’ He is like that. I could never had made it this far on my own.

I have learnt, it is not easy at all.
The old me would probably give up and start going on a rampage.
I am different for You have done great works in me.